Presence & Resilience in Casting

Dear Labbers,

As for many of us, Covid was a period of my life that offered a lot of introspection. I was able to truly dive deep during these times and find further clarity in my life and work. Although I have loved acting and directing, nothing makes me feel more present or alive than teaching. It comes naturally. I don’t have to think. All that is required is just to listen to my instinct with immense presence while in creative dialogue with my actors. It is true bliss when you are consciously in your element.

If we’ve had the opportunity to share time together in the studio, you know how important research is to our work. It is a constant investigation into the principles of Embodiment, Pleasure, Presence, Deconditioning, and more. However, the research is not just limited to the studio, and I often try to find opportunities to further dive into this research in other, real-world contexts for further expansion and awareness of my teachings.

After a recent partial move back to Athens, one such opportunity for research was an audition I initiated with a wonderful casting director. She is someone I have worked with before, and my extended stay in Athens felt like the right chance to take on this new investigation. After reaching out, she invited me in for a casting. I went in blind, with no script. They did not give the sides to me until after I had arrived. I decided this was a great opportunity to practice true presence.

Upon arrival, I had a conscious awareness of my legs. This is my current task and exploration: to discover where I feel disconnected from my body. I recently noticed I habitually lift my shoulders, which prevents me from feeling my body weight. Feeling my body weight offers me the weight of my presence—physically, emotionally, and it is almost as if my consciousness has a home and way to be here. As a practice for presence and embodiment, I used my awareness of the legs and habitual lifting of the shoulders as a tool to help me be more in the moment with myself and the others in the room. I found myself available to listen and to relax into my essence. The meeting went great. I felt present and available. But more importantly, I felt naturally myself and rather playful, which is very much me.

I was given the script and offered a few minutes to look it through.

And this is where I went wild.

I read it through twice, just to see what it was about—to understand what EVERYONE was saying, not just my character—and to understand the circumstances and dynamics of what was happening.

As I read, vivid images of characters I’ve been developing with my actors over the past few years came to mind. One such image was Matthew McConaughey's character in Wolf of Wall Street. This immediately gave me a tempo in how the character spoke and a physical liberty of how he moves in the body. My body was saying ‘yes’ to this idea, and so I let this energy come into my reading.

With this energy in place, and while keeping an open mind to new discoveries, I started practicing the Ownership of the Text exercise on the sofa.

I was repeating the words until I was fully tasting them—until I was landing into an ownership. Ownership at times felt like embodied presence through the language, and other times it was me landing into an idea about the line. An idea would be an action that I chose to embody or it was a physical choice, like leaning forward or changing position. My physical choices were always filled with intention, such as leaning forward to speak quietly or to put emphasis or be cheeky.

After a few minutes of research, I felt that I was done and put the script down to check emails on my phone. I felt that I now needed to let myself breathe.

Then I got called in. I had the best time in research mode!

Being in research was key.

Before we began, I told the casting director and the others in the room it was possible I might repeat a phrase if I felt I needed to as it helps my delivery. I said it may or may not happen, and hoped this was okay. That was all they needed to know. They were fine with it. What I was doing at that moment was signing a contract of presence with myself— meaning that if I found myself just ‘wasting’ a phrase or even a few words without embodying it, I was giving myself the opportunity to return to awareness and discover meaning and purpose. Most importantly, it was a promise to offer my very best in the casting.

To my surprise, I ran the scene without needing to repeat the first time around. Doing my best to objectively view the delivery, my inner coach felt I had delivered a pretty solid and honest performance. They were very happy, and without giving notes, they asked to do the reading one more time. During the second readthrough there was one line that I felt I didn't quite grasp, and so I committed to my promise and used repetition to reattempt the delivery. I'm so glad I did because I came up with something completely different, which allowed me to stay present for the rest of the scene.

I finished my reading and was then quickly dismissed.

My heart sank. I really felt for all of you, as so many times you've told me about how abruptly these castings end at times. Now, bear in mind I know the casting director personally, and I was greeted warmly when I first arrived. Even the director, who I had met for the first time, was also warm and pleasant. But when the reading was done, I was thanked for my time and quickly escorted out.

To be honest, I was a bit shaken. I had to sit in my car, think through the events, and remind myself that I’ve known the casting director for five years and I know how much she cares for actors. I have proof that she really trusts me and respects my work. I had to remind myself that she has really fought for me in the past. I had to bring myself back to reality and remind myself that the sudden dismissal was not personal. In fact, I remembered the same thing has happened before.

The decision was not a reflection of my work, but one of time. There were another 10 people they had to see after me. My heart really went to all of you who are experiencing this every day. Please remember an abrupt ending to a casting—or even one that begins suddenly or is dry from beginning to end—is not about you. It has to do with time, people’s personalities, and so many other factors that are beyond your influence or control.

It took me about 10 minutes to ground myself and release being shaken. Most importantly, to build my own resilience for similar situations in the future, I made a commitment to myself to stay present with my work, no matter the circumstances. It took a moment, but I can say that I am looking forward to the next casting, in Athens or in London, and for the opportunity to further research and experience more insights so I may more deeply connect with each of you.

So my invitation is this: take your research with you for presence & resilience in your next casting

• Start with wherever you are in your acting journey, just as I did with awareness of my legs.

• Take your research with you and allow the casting to be an opportunity to dig further into your own inquiry—to find your own freedom and get in touch with your artistic spirit.

• And while you're in this research, make some quick decisions.

• Trust your instinct and find a hook for the character. Find a choice that enhances your understanding.

• If you are offered some time to look this through, keep going it over and over through repetition. Apply the Ownership of the Text exercise. Then let it all go and try practicing presence. When you feel you’re not as present or connecting with the text, repeat the phrase. Repeat it with all your might! Keep inviting yourself to be free with your talent and with your spirit.

• Then go home, evaluate what worked, what didn’t work, and take this knowledge with you to the next casting, rehearsal, performance, or even conversation with friends and family. No matter the practice, whether it is a morning routine—whatever is coming next—try to be as present and understanding of yourself as possible.

With love,